


Feuillemort

by eclaircit



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 1st onghwang fic, Colours of Love, I regret everything, M/M, a little fluff :'), daniel is only mentioned, deaths and deaths and deaths, esp winkdeep bc i love them so much, im so sorry, roasted angst, soulmate!AU, winkdeep and howons as cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 04:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13450983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclaircit/pseuds/eclaircit
Summary: Seongwu is 13 the moment he starts seeing colors.He is almost 22 when he loses such ability.





	Feuillemort

**Author's Note:**

> feuillemort (n.)
> 
> \- the color of a dying leaf

"Colors,"

 

"What about colors, daddy?"

 

"Colors, they signify that you've had found the one."

 

"The one?"

 

"Yes, Seongwu, the one. Once you've met your soulmate, you start seeing colorsㅡall of them."

 

When Seongwu's 7th birthday comes around, he starts to search for the colors comprising of the world.

 

His world is pretty much in a canvas of black and white and varying shades of grey. With colors splashing of neutrality, rendering him in one bleak future of the eye. Everything moves in a chaste speed of light, giving off an endearing sight yet somehow, Seongwu could still not see anything but only along the fine line between the blackness and whiteness of the colors surrounding him into utter blur.

 

The night of his 7th birthday approaches with a wish of the one for him coming soon.

 

* * *

 

"The sky is blue, Seongwu. Can't you see?"

 

Seongwu shakes his head.

 

"The fire is yellow but sometimes red. Can't you see?"

 

Seongwu shakes his head again.

 

"The leaves are green. You can't see, either?"

 

Seongwu's teacher chuckles as Seongwu shakes his head again.

 

"You will, soon. Once you find your soulmate."

 

"Soulmate?"

 

"Yes, your own soulmate. It is how one person is meant for another person. Once you find yours, you'll start seeing colors soon. Just like the rest of us, adults."

 

When the digits of Seongwu's age doubles, he finds himself liking the idea of soulmates.

 

It's the same thing his father told him as "the one", it's the same thing as his mother told him that would be his best friend forever, and it's the same thing as his teacher told him that he would spent the rest of his life with.

 

His teacher tells him about how the sky is blue overhead them, about how the sun shines into yellow strips of light, and about how the citrus fruit Seongwu personally likes is painted of tinted orange. He can't wait for his soulmate to come. He thinks they'll become the best of friends. He thinks his soulmate would be a good playmate. He thinks they'll only talk and laugh in their whole lifetime. He'll also get to know the color of his favourite toy; the color of his favorite ice cream down by the corner; the color of his boots that rise obnoxiously up to his knees.

 

The night of an another day of a 10 year-old Seongwu passes with the mild sway of the trees outside and his snores containing of wishes he had kept since 3 years ago.

 

* * *

 

"The color of the sky is so pretty!"

 

"What color is that, Seongwu?"

 

"My teacher told me it's blue."

 

"Really? What about the sun?"

 

"It's yellow!"

 

"The apples?"

 

"It's red, just like your cheeks Minhyun."

 

When Seongwu enters junior high by 13, he meets Minhyun and the world suddenly becomes a canvas of yellow and orange and blue and red for him.

 

The world turns into strips of rainbow, with palettes of ranging colours sweeping in his sight. His favorite ice cream is pink, his favorite boots are red, his favorite shirt is purple yet most of all, Minhyun's eyes are caramel brownㅡthe color he sees first. It reminds him of warmth, it reminds him of coziness, it reminds him of... home.

 

Minhyun is laughing and Seongwu sees the glow in him. He sees the colors in Minhyun's eyes glimmering like the stars. He sees Minhyun's pinkish lips pursing and gaping as clouds of breath escape in it. He sees Minhyun's cheeks turning into a brighter shade of red, partially of embarassment and mostly of happiness craved in the latter's soul.

 

And Seongwoo thinks, this is so beautiful.

 

He never had an idea seeing colors could be this fascinating. Especially with the presence of Minhyun around him.

 

The night of Seongwu's 14th birthday ends with Minhyun's voice strumming the strings of his heart. He thinks his voice is fiery redㅡit reminds him of the flames, of the gush of heat he is feeling, of the marshmallows melting inside his mouth.

 

Yet red could not be his favorite color, he wonders why.

 

* * *

 

Minhyun is gone by the summer of Seongwu's 15th year of existence.

 

Seongwu had never felt so alone before. Minhyun told him he'll only be out of the country for a while so he didn't need to worry. Seongwu had clung to it yet somehow, he still couldn't be in a lone standstill. The colors around him start twitching and flickering in unsubtleness and he feels the dread solemnly creeping into his veins. He sees black at one corner of his eyes and white on the other one. Shades of grey clash with chromatic ones, and it makes him feel dizzy and nauseous.

 

"Seongwu! There's an emergency, we've got to get there fast!"

 

The colors around Seongwu return but it leaves in his face.

 

 

 

The colors in his father's eyes falter the moment Seongwu's mother leaves. His father had just lost a soulmate, a lover, a wife, and a best friend the man had promised to spend the rest of his life with.

 

People say once you lose your soulmate, you start to lose the ability to see colours too. But Seongwu's father had argued, telling him he doesn't just lose such ability, but of so much more. When you lose a soulmate, a large part of you is also taken away, an inch of your life that no matter how hard you try, you are never going to have it again.  You lose all the the laughs, the memories, and the sweet kisses you are never going to experience again.

 

The yellow, blinding light was what his mother had last seen, followed by a loud screech of the car vibrating in her ears.

 

Seongwu used to find the color yellow bright and effervescently breathtaking. It reminds him of the sun, of the shop he and Minhyun frequent by, of the crinkles in Minhyun's eyes that form as the latter smiles, and he thinks it shines brighter than the brightest star in the galaxy. 

 

Seongwu hates yellow now.

 

Not that, yellow could also be his favourite color anyway.

 

* * *

 

"Happy birthday, you took too long."

 

"But I've returned, haven't I?"

 

"But still... Wait, what's that tube in your chest?"

 

"I-It helps me to breathe. I'm asthmatic, don't you remember?"

 

"But that's not normal. Is it severe? I'm worried."

 

"It's not. My parents are just taking double cautions on me."

 

"Minhyun-ah, take care of yourself, alright?"

 

"I will, Ongcheong-ie."

 

It is two weeks before Seongwu turns 16 when the hazel caramel in Minhyun's eyes turns into a darker shade of brown. It is also two weeks when the vibrant in Seongwu's eyes diminish a little.

 

They play like little kids by the school premises in that one, rainy afternoon, the viscousness of the brown almost ebony mud is stuck on the soles of their shoes. The dark clouds take over the fine, blue sky as the rain pours heavily above themㅡthe healthy blush in Minhyun's face becomes pale with the cold. They run around the school grounds with heart beats as loud as their laughs. They both seem to be glowing, with fingers tightly clasping into each other.

 

Minhyun draws in closer to him, as his fingers gently caresses the three moles in Seongwu's face. Seongwu leans in to the touch, his sight turns black as he indulges in the pleasure of having Minhyun's fingers massaging the prominence of his cheek bones. It's cold yet Minhyun's ghost of breaths on his lips keeps him warm

 

Seongwu clutches on to Minhyun's polo, the similar moles are found just above the clothes he is wearing. His fingers explore the expanse of Minhyun's exposed milky, white skin lying against his body with his thumb pressing on the particular moles situated in it. Minhyun lets out a hearty laugh and Seongwu sees hues of yellow and orange radiating behind Minhyun.

 

He is glowing and bursting like fireworks Seongwu is afraid he'd get eaten by it.

 

And when Minhyun's fingers cascade down to reach the plumpness of his primrose lips, Seongwu has never felt the drumming of his heart this intense before. The rhythym of Seongwu's heartbeats is a perfect beat of percussion to Minhyun's ears. He presses his other hand on Seongwu's chest, wanting to feel the latter's blaring thumps on his palm before capturing Seongwu's lips whole with the guide of his fingers grazing across it.

 

Under the rain, the kiss was cold but the warmth in their breaths sustained enough for them to both feel the passion and heat they share. Seongwu curls his finger against Minyun's soaked, dark blue polo as Minhyun moves his hands away from Seongwu's chest and into the back of his head. Both seemingly not wanting to stop, even with the audible murmurs of their schoolmates going around.

 

Minhyun and Seongwu couldn't even give a damn. As long as the beats of their hearts match, as long as the glow in their eyes glint the same, and as long as they see the colors in their eyes, they don't care.

 

Seongwu swears he'd never exchange this moment for anything, not when Minhyun's eyes beam so damn bright, the hazel caramel glints inside. The latter's eyes are no longer dark and Seongwu likes this even more.

 

And he wants it to stay like this. He won't ask for anything more, just as long as he continues seeing colors around him, and hass Minhyun by his side.

 

* * *

 

"It's so cold."

 

"That's why you have me to cuddle."

 

"Yah! Hwang Minhyun you've become a flirt now."

 

"At least only for you."

 

"Hey, Seongwu, what's the color of the snow?"

 

"It's white, can't you see colours? I thought I am your soulmate!"

 

"Turns out, you aren't."

 

"Hwang Minhyun!"

 

"Just kidding."

 

ㅡ

 

"Your screams are so girly."

 

"Why did you even fucking insist watching a horror movie in a Christmas day?"

 

"Shhh, my parents might hear you!"

 

"How could I shut up when this clown right here is eating the poor b-AAAAAAH!"

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"Sorry, I had to shut you up."

 

"..."

 

"Seongwu? Speak."

 

"..."

 

"Your ears are so red. It reminds me of a tomato."

 

"..."

 

"Seongwu? Sorry for kissing you, I just-"

 

"Come here and just kiss me as this clown eats all the children he sees!"

 

ㅡㅡㅡ

 

"I wish I didn't know the color red."

 

"Why?"

 

"I failed the exam and my paper has a big mark red in it. I just want to cry."

 

"Maybe you should've taken a seat next to me instead of that Daniel guy."

 

"Minhyun, are you still jealous of him? After he asked me out for the Valentines' ball next week?"

 

"Why did you even say yes to him anyway? I am your soulmate!"

 

"Doesn't mean we're soulmates we should always be on each other's hips all the time, dumbass."

 

"That sounded wrong."

 

"What? Wait, no Minhyun don't attempt on kissing me while I am study-"

 

ㅡ

 

"I didn't know you look good with tuxedos."

 

"Didn't know you could also flirt with all the girls out there in front of my eyes!"

 

"Wha-"

 

"Doesn't mean I am with Daniel tonight, you could just hook up with all the girls there! I don't even bat him an eye no matter what."

 

"Seongwu, can you please-"

 

"I'm going home. Just tell Daniel I've went ahead."

 

"Seongwu! Seongwu! Wait!"

 

ㅡ

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Now, now come here. It's okay. You don't need to."

 

"I was being unfair. I just let you all by yourself alone while I have Daniel and I don't even let you-"

 

"Shush, I told you it's okay. Don't even think about it anymore. That was already two weeks ago."

 

"You're not mad at me, even if I ignored you for two straight weeks?"

 

"Well, a little. But it dissipitated really fast so you don't need to worry."

 

"You know that I love you so much, Minhyun right? Thank you for bringing colors to my world, literally."

 

"You're so cheesy."

 

"Just say I love you too, dummy."

 

"Ouch! Okay! Okay! I love you too."

 

ㅡ

 

"Cherry blossoms are so pretty. I like pink more now."

 

"Is pink then your favorite color?"

 

"No."

 

"Then what is?"

 

"Come to think of it, I haven't decided yet. What about you, Min?"

 

"I personally like black."

 

"Psh, that's so plain. But why?"

 

"It's the color of your moles."

 

"..."

 

* * *

 

Minhyun leaves him in summer this year, again.

 

He promises Minhyun he is willing to wait for him just like the last time and Minhyun just smiles, kissing him fully on the lips with tender and provided of love before saying their own goodbyes.

 

And Seongwu waits.

 

It is moments like these when the colors in Seongwu's eyes twitch once again. He can't seem to know why, doesn't really give it much thought.

 

He plants roses in the gardens and plucks out yellow chrysanthemums from the wild grasses too, plans someday he'll give it to Minhyun once he comes back. Red roses remind Seongwu of the blush that creeps up into Minhyun's cheeks until the tips of his ears. It also conveys of his longing and ultimate love and desire he feels for Minhyun everytime he is gone. Whilst yellow chrysanthemums make him remember the glow Minhyun always possess just by seeing him smile albeit his hatred on yellow. The flower is also the only thing that could understand his own sorrows of having not Minhyun around.

 

* * *

 

 

The weeks have passed by in a blur, the canvas in Seongwu's eyes flickers continously of chromatic and monochromatic colours from time to time making him dizzy. Sometimes he would feel his world circling in a gyre, spinning like a hasty roulette. But he would say he'll just have to endure because after a few weeks of time, Minhyun would come back and all these confusing phenomena would stop.

 

 

 

It's the 9th of August when Seongwu sees not a single shadow in Minhyun's home. The door is still locked since the start of summer as the lights inside are off. Seongwu slumps his shoulders in disappointment as Minhyun had not yet returned. He clutches the gift resting on the basket of his bicycle before letting it go and returning his way back home.

 

ㅡ

 

Seongwu turns 18 but there is still no Minhyun that could be found. The colours in his eyes flicker on and off like lights in the streets. The stars above seemed to pity him as he's engulfed by the darkness. Moments like these are what fears him the most. He is alone, full of blackness that is surrounding him, and Minhyun is still not there with him.

 

And Seongwu wonders when will his Minhyun get back, when will the colors become stable in his sight once again, and most importantly, he wonders when will the ache inside his heart stop.

 

* * *

 

"Seongwu hyung, I've already found my soulmate!"

 

"That's great Jihoon, who is it?"

 

"It's Jinyoung, the newest transferee in our class. Wow, I am in so much luck he's just so fucking handsome!"

 

"Well, how is the initial experience?"

 

"I feel like I'm in another world, in a fairy land actually! It's just that, I no longer only see black and white around me. I can already see blue, and, green, and purple, and red! I love red the most! It reminds me of the color of Jinyoung's cheeks whenever he gets flustered."

 

 _Same,_ "Sure you are having heaps of great time now." Red reminds me of Minhyun's cheeks too. "I envy you."

 

It's been one year and time seemed to fly by really fast. But when it comes to those who wait, it goes by slow.

 

Seongwu is 19 and he barely sees the colors in his eyes anymore, the thought of Minhyun flashing in his mind real quick. Every night, he would cry. Every night, he would call Minhyun's name in the darkness. Every night, he would attempt to go outside, in hopes of seeing just a glimpse of Minhyun's shadow. But it's been a year and Minhyun never comes back.

 

He could still see the blueness of the clear waters by the shore, could tell the richness of the green grass on his toes. But it's not that vibrant anymore, it is fading.

 

Seongwu has grown anxious and tired of his soulmate's well-being and whereabouts. He hasn't heard any news from him ever since he left, his circle of friends don't seem to know Minhyun's sudden disappearance a year ago either and it bothers them all.

 

Seongwu watches from a distance as Jihoon, with hearts in his eyes, clings into Jinyoung. The younger between the two seems to give a mind albeit the passive expression he is showing. Seongwu observes the way how Jihoon talks to Jinyoung so careful and full of precisement, like he is the most delicate being to ever exist on Earth. He sees the glint of love in Jihoon's eyes as the latter stares affectionately at his soulmate, with voice so soft he'd think Jihoon is talking to a baby. He watches as Jihoon is falling deeper and deeper like love has no limits, like it claims no boundaries with each day that passes and Seongwu couldn't help but feel jealous.

 

If Minhyun's here, would he be at the same situation as Jihoon?

 

The night passes as if Seongwu hadn't just turned 19 that day.

 

The night passes and Seongwu's world becomes a monochrome canvas in a split of a second.

 

He screams.

 

Yet the colors continue to fade.

 

* * *

 

"Seriously, what is happening to Minhyun hyung?"

 

"I'm worried about him too."

 

"Seongwu hyung told you his sight seems to fail seeing colors, right?"

 

"Yeah, and I think this has got to do with Minhyun hyung."

 

"Why do you think so Jinyoung-ah?"

 

"My mother once told me when my father was shot on the chest, she suddenly couldn't distinguish blood and raindrops on the ground. She suddenly couldn't see colors. Thankfully, my father survived so she is able to see colors now."

 

"What?! Does that mean... does that mean..."

 

"Shhh, Jihoon hyung! Seongwu hyung might hear you!"

 

It is the night of Jihoon's birthday party when Seongwu gets invited alongㅡonly to discover a new information. He could only clench his fist, so tight the bones almost break inside.

 

He leaves Jihoon's house in a haste speed, with Daniel asking him a question he didn't get to comprehend. Tears fill his vision as well as the surge of monochrome seizing in.

 

* * *

 

Fuck. Minhyun what is happening to you? Where the fuck are you? Why aren't you showing up? Are you well? Are you doing fine? Have you eaten your food? Have you gone into a place where you could have easily forgotten about me?

 

Do you miss me?

 

Autumn fast approaches at a speed of the light. Jaehwan tells him to look at the crisp leaves falling as it denude the once green trees. The scenery is in palettes of brown to orange to red and scarlet. A single golden leaf spirals up and up in the arid air as the ground remains wet and cold from the rain impeding the place since the end of September came. And yet Seongwu could not appreciate it.

 

The sunlight filters through the remaining leaves of the trees, creating tens and hundreds of komorebis overhead him. The air is chilly and cold, indicating the commence of winter nearing soon and maybe, also the coldness in his heart.

 

He hears Jaehwan's laughs resonnate in his ears as Sewoon picks up a fallen leaf and puts it into Jaehwan's head, with the latter blushing cozily at the action. How much happiness does it give to have your soulmate with you, Seongwu thinks bitterly.

 

The air blows and it tangles his hair. His bangs remain down, slightly messy yet it had stay put despite the harsh blow the air gives. Seongwu listens as Jaehwan shouts about how beautiful the brown leaves are scattering in the ground whilst the remaining ones in the trees are polished of hues of orange, red, and deep scarlet with the help of the sunlight. Jaehwan whispers how happy he is to witness such sight with Sewoon, thanking him for filling his world with shades and hues.

 

Seongwu just smiles, and it's the only thing he can do because he can not relate. The colors continue to fade, so does the smile on his face.

 

* * *

 

Spring approaches and ever since Seongwu had met Minhyun, he is always looking forward for it every year.

 

Mainly because the cherry blossoms blooming in the fine, spring day scream of innocence, purity, and adoration to him. The peachy, pale pink registering in his eyes is a sight he'll never get tired of seeing. Especially when he sees the hues of peach reflecting against Minhyun's caramel eyes. It always makes sense of everything.

 

And each time spring comes, hope and resolutions full his heart. Hasn't always spring resemble of a rainbow in the middle of a storm?

 

Yet, ironically, Seongwu loses more and more hope each day. The vibrant of pale pink in his eyes is close to grey and he deflates as he could not see the color of spring anymore.

 

He cries, as he could not see the colors in his life anymore.

 

* * *

 

Seongwu is 21 when the vibrant of colors in his eyes start to resuscitate one step at a time.

 

At first, the grapes in his grandfather's vineyard looked like pastel. He blinks and the color seem to go darker. He blinks again and it turns into treacherous violet. His eyes blink in confusion.

 

The vines went from yellow lime to a darker shade of green. His grandfather's hat turns into scorched brown instead of the pale brown he used to see. His hands, the complexion of his skin, and his face no longer look pale but that of a sun-kissed skintone. And yet Seongwu couldn't bring himself to conclude something, couldn't think of a possible reason why these are all happening.

 

All he thinks of, is to go back to Seoul as soon as possible.

 

ㅡ

 

It was summer when Minhyun had left him.

 

It is also summer when Minhyun comes back to him.

 

The Minhyun he is seeing right now is so different. There are tubes all over his body as his pale, lanky body lays across the bed. His lips are chapped and it is no longer of the red roses Seongwu always reminds of but instead the slumps of snow that fall annually. Minhyun is bald as his face goes impossibly paler than before yet Seongwu still holds his hand out for Minhyun to reach him as he cries. Minhyun smiles but it does not reach his eyes.

 

"It's okay. Seongwu, I'm, I'm okay."

 

"You are not!"

 

"Shush. You can still see colors right?"

 

It all makes sense now. Jinyoung was right. Minhyun had been travelling back and forth because of his rare genetic lung disease. Minhyun's parents explained everything to him. How Minhyun has had many operations for the past years, how he almost got near death experiences, how he is always sleeping and could not even breathe properly anymore.

 

Yet Minhyun still fights because the thought of Seongwu always comes to his mind. The thought of Seongwu's cries and frowns is what he always thinks of and it grows a fire inside him to keep himself alive and come back to Seongwu safe and sound. He still wants to be the one to wipe Seongwu's tears away, the one to turn his frowns up, the one to be the main reason of his laughs everyday.

 

Minhyun tried, really hard. And he succeeds, but God must be cruel to lend him a short time to do it all to Seongwu.

 

Seongwu doesn't answer as he embraces Minhyun in his arms. The constricting aches inside his heart don't stop curling like crumpled balls. He feels like dying, he feels like suffocating, he feels like drowning.

 

"As long as you see colors, I am alive and well." Minhyun's voice is hoarse and broken it makes Seongwu cry for more. "I love you, Seongwu."

 

He doesn't know why those words make the boulders inside him feel heavier and put more burden in his heart yet somehow he still comes out a hush, sincere response.

 

"I love you too, Minhyun-ah."

 

They sealed it with a kiss so sad and devastating, the tears just pass by.

 

* * *

 

"Happy birthday, Minhyun. How are you feeling right now?"

 

"Better than ever!"

 

A chuckle.

 

Seongwu knows Minhyun is only forcing himself. He isn't getting better and the deadline the doctor had given is getting nearby. And what luck do they both have to even land on that certain date?

 

There are tears in Seongwu's eyes as Minhyun looks at him in hope and in sorrow. Minhyun lifts his fingers up to wipe the tears in his lover's eyes, hopefully losing some tension Seongwu had been carrying since then.

 

"Don't be sad," Minhyun pouts and although he is bald and looks so plain right now, Seongwu still thinks he is the most handsome person he has ever met in his lifetime (and for every lifetime he had been in). "You look ugly when you're sad."

 

Seongwu doesn't respond as he only keeps his tears flowing on his cheeks. Minhyun softly hums and it still remains like melodies in his ears. He caresses Seongwu's soft cheeks in his palm, cupping it until he leans in for a long, sweet yet sad kiss. Seongwu closes his eyes, and it is the only time where he wants to see the darkness.

 

Once he flutters it back open, the hazel caramel in Minhyun's eyes is the first thing he sees. He stares at it with the same amount of intensity and love he pours out for Minhyun. He looks at it as if in one missed glance, he'll die. He always liked Minhyun's pair of orbs, especially because it is brown. And brown reminds him of the wall of both his and Minhyun's houses. Brown reminds him of a stray dog Minhyun used to play a lot. Brown reminds him of the mud their shoes shared at that one rainy day.

 

And brown will always remain the color of Minhyun's eyes. 

 

It's because it reminds him of home.

 

It's because Minhyun is his home.

 

* * *

 

The green light line from the machine is what only serves as the light inside. The hospital room Minhyun is residing is dark. Seongwu could only see but black and black and black and white and green. He could also see the pair of red lips resting beside his head.

 

Minhyun shifts as he embraces Seongwu in his arms a little more.

 

"You know what, Seongwu? I started seeing colors when I turned 9."

 

The sentence gives Seongwu a nasty feeling inside his guts. "What? How come? You have two soulmates?"

 

"No, no! Just listen." Minhyun chokes a little as he laughs and Seongwu reprimands him from laughing.

 

"Tell me the truth, Minhyun."

 

"Just listen, okay?"

 

Minhyun smiles as the thought of a certain nine year-old boy from years ago flashes inside his mind. It was a surprise to little Minhyun when he slowly starts seeing colors when it was only yesterday, the world is bursting of black and white around him. The toy car in his hands is blue, his favorite cap his daddy bought for him is carmen red, and the boy's shirt he had met in the playground is plain brown.

 

He didn't know why he started seeing colors but the only thing he knew was the moment the little boy had touch the fingers of his hand, helping him get up without sparing a single glance, he was already the best friend his sister was talking aboutㅡhis soulmate.

 

Minhyun couldn't take his eyes off the boy since that day.

 

 

He learns that the boy goes to the same school as him, always bringing a huge trolley bag behind. Minhyun smiles as the boy's laughs resonnate the whole corridor, earning ten scolds from the teachers. Minhyun laughs when he hears the boy's teacher telling him about soulmates as the boy listens attentively and full of heed in his eyes. How cute, he muses.

 

Lastly, Minhyun's smile fades when he realizes how whipped he has become for the boy, that not seeing him one day makes his whole day sour and moody.

 

He never approached him, afraid of the possibility that the boy would not like someone as fat and as ugly as him. So he leaves before his 5th year in elementary comes. The chance of having the little boy as his classmate for the first time is gone, just like that.

 

Minhyun returns two years later, with puberty having done a great job to him. His body is slim, his cheeks are no longer puffy, and his faceㅡit makes every little girls and some little boys swoon over him. However, he is not expecting the first guy he sees the moment he comes to school is that same little boy from all those years, staring at him with hawk eyes. And Minhyun gulps because it is him already. It isㅡ

 

"ㅡyou, Ong Seongwu. I've met you since I was nine."

 

Seongwu accidentally falls off the bed.

 

* * *

 

It is one week before Seongwu turns 22.

 

And they are not doing anything, apparently. Seongwu only lays his head on Minhyun's chest, cuddling on his bed like he couldn't let go of him for any second that passes. Minhyun's head is atop Seongwu's with his chin resting and arms wrapped securely around Seongwu's waist and body. He doesn't really care if the colors he sees in his eyes are growing weak, doesn't really care if the time remaining between them is getting shorter each second.

 

Because what Seongwu only wants is to stay like this, with nothing to put him back on track but the sweet drones of Minhyun's breathing and the loud pounding of his heart.

 

Seongwu doesn't think of anything but only the good memories they've shared from the past until the recent that he knows he will cherish and remember forever. 

 

Seongwu wants only nothing but to remember the way Minhyun's cheeks glow of pink and red from mild embarassment, of the way his fox-like eyes crinkle each time he laughs, of the way his laughs sound so refreshing and melodious, it never fails to make his heart drum in a wild fire. And especially, Seongwu wants to remember and only think back to the times when they shared good memories, running, smiling, laughing, playing, and loving like there is not any tomorrow that is to come.

 

Minhyun wants to remember all the good and the bad times they've gone through, all the happy moments they've come to spend together, and all the lessons and hardships they learned with each other. He also wants to remember every inch of Seongwu's smiles and the sunlight that peeps through him, his ears that go crazily crimson red, and all his disgusting aegyos that Seongwu displays whenever he wants Minhyun to buy something for him.

 

(Sometimes, he ends up imitating all of Jihoon's self-invented aegyos and Minhyun always ends up choking on his food but well, it isn't a necessary information, right?).

 

All in all, they want to remember the love they harbor for each other and the memories they share until now.

 

And Seongwu wishes it never ends, it never will but indeed, all good things come to an endㅡno matter how promising it could still be.

 

"Minhyun, what's your favorite color again?"

 

"Black, just like your moles. And you?"

 

Seongwu smiles and it is the last time Minhyun witnesses it in this lifetime, in his lifetime.

 

"Brown, just like your eyes, just like... home."

 

The smile in Minhyun's face falters as his eyes suddenly become droopy and... heavy. He begs Seongwu if he could sleep for a while and Seongwu suddenly doesn't know what to do. Minhyun reaches out for his hands and it is so cold it gives shivers down to his spine.

 

The machine beside them indicates Minhyun's heartbeats lessening and lessening every second. And no, Seongwu wants to cry. No, this isn't happening please.

 

Minhyun's eyelids are almost closing and Seongwu panics, wanting to rush out of the room as soon as possible to call the doctors but Minhyun beats him to it. He stops Seongwu with his hands planting on his soulmate's wrist to hinder him from leaving the room.

 

"Stop." his voice becomes weak and fucking shit Seongwu is not having it. "Please stay, don't go away."

 

No, Minhyun. I need to get to the doctors. You are not dying yet, please not this time. Give me another tomorrow, or another week, or another year but please you can't die yet. You can't, you can't, you can'tㅡ

 

"Seongwu, please." Minhyun's voice comes out as a plead. "Please listen to me."

 

And Seongwu does. Despite the millions of conflicts raging inside him, despite the heavy storms roaming around him, despite the blaring thunders roaring and ringing, he listens and stays because that's what Minhyun wants, that's what Minhyun wishes for him to do for the last time.

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah."

 

Sorry? For what? For he is leaving him behind soon? For hiding these all to him once? For the impending doom he caused to him? For all the sacrifices he had done and all the tears he had cried? For caring for him? For missing him? For loving him? For... meeting him?

 

For being his soulmate?

 

For what, Minhyun? "Please tell me why." Because I am so tired and done and broken, I am so full of despair, of hopelessness, of dread, so full of everything that I just want to end these all. So please tell me... why, why, why.

 

What are you so sorry for?

 

Why are you apologizing?

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah."

 

Why? Can you please at least tell me?

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah." Why?

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah." Why?

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah." Why?

 

The machine beeps in an annoying, deafening tone just along with Seongwu's world becoming a canvas of monochrome once again just like how he used to see the world in his perspective years ago.

 

Minhyun dies, and it is exactly one week before Seongwu's birthday.

 

Minhyun dies, and Seongwu's tears cascade like waterfalls along with his heart digging down miles and miles deep beneath them.

 

* * *

 

Seongwu isn't used to thisㅡthe surge of varying shades and hues of grey registering in his eyes.

 

"As long as you see colors, I am alive and well."

 

You are dead and unwell, then.

 

He could no longer see the blue sky with his own eyes, the red roses he planted in the gardens, the green grasses that covers the lawn of their house. Most of all, he could no longer see the brown in Minhyun's eyes, the red in his cheeks, and the yellow in his smiles because it is all gone now and Seongwu has nothing left but to cope with grief and the feeling of losing someone.

 

Seongwu has nothing left but only the jar of ashes that is the remnants of his once soulmate.

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah."

 

Why were you sorry?

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah."

 

Why?

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah."

 

Please fucking tell me.

 

"I'm sorry, Seongwu-yah... for letting myself meet you."

 

 

 

People say you start seeing colors the moment you meet your soulmate.

 

They also say you start to lose the ability of seeing colors when your soulmate dies.

 

Seongwu is 13 the moment he starts seeing colors.

 

He is almost 22 when he loses such ability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I did not, do not, and will not ever regret meeting you, Minhyun. You once brought colors to my life and that will always remain as it is, thank you. Even if we are no longer soulmates in our next lives, I will still love you regardless. I love you, Mincheong-ie, always. Ongcheong-ie misses you so much."

**Author's Note:**

> pls punish me T_T
> 
> i love onghwang


End file.
